november 28

In the psychiatric ward of the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital there is a raging black market in cigarettes- anorexics beg Horizons from schizophrenics and the recently psychotic try to defend their private stash of Winnie blues from bipolar entreaties. To get into the minimum security section of the unit it is necessary to pass through two locked doors though it would be easy enough to leave over the fence. The observation unit for acute cases (the acutely fragile, the acutely unheard) is better defended by a four- meter metal fence, and this is where the damaged and addicted souls of the inner west come to rest when it all gets to be too much. I haven't blogged for three weeks because I wasn't sure if it was legitimate to discuss the revelation that this exists just at the back of the university with a view of the oval where the college boys play football in their underpants. I mistrust the mixture of pity and prurience inspired by my visits and wonder if there's an element of voyeurism in them- I can't help being fascinated by the idea that these people are on a voyage which I can't even imagine, although I probably wouldn't want it to happen to me.

I found myself in Jorge's blog disguised as an extra in a Cairene telenovela and got a strange proprietorial feeling regarding ownership of my past and my character. I am half fascinated and half defensive by the vision of myself in a revolting polyester frock parading through the pages of somebody else's not very fictional fiction. On the other hand maybe the copyright period on that particular incarnation of mine has expired. I am about to become the de facto partner (with a possiblilty of marriage if six monthly performance targets are met) of a Polish prince and I have to say at this point in time that I can't believe my good luck. Long may the honeymoon last.

November 6

Today I am discovering that it's possible to commit a rape against yourself. I am sitting in the library writing a discourse analysis paper about a debate between Keating and Howard and I have forced myself to do it without my consent. At the end of this week I will go to counselling.